Tuesday, 4 August 2015

Autumn Deer

Start of August, up late one evening with CBC 2 on the radio and white wine in my glass...and along came the deer. This time again on a very small wooden board canvas, only 8" x 9". My beforehand sketch sort of doomed this painting to a certain formula...I used small brushes and oil paint, and stood one deer grazing in front of the other...on their own they looked very fine and simple...but on I went and painted the tree in the corner and couldn't get myself to refrain from the oval shape again....as I did with my fox. I'm pleased with the colours...but what is it with me and oval egg shapes? It's the egg I really wish to burst out of, but I keep enclosing my images inside this ever reappearing shape. Egg is a symbol of earth, birth, renewal. Well, OK, I guess that's not such a bad thing to include in one's art. It must mean I see all creatures as precious and sacred, maybe it's my idea of a halo. Maybe I want to protect them in a bubble.  

Autumn Deer ~ Oil on Wood 8"x 9"

Navel gazing aside, I'm pleased I managed to finish this between two evenings...and I was able to emerge slightly from the depression I've been feeling all weekend. Sometimes I feel stranded and lonely, disconnected and melancholy, regretful and anxious, insecure and afraid, restless and panicked. What a glorious menopausal buffet! You can actually mix and match all the adjectives in any combination you like...for instance anxious and panicked creates a certain je ne sais quoi delirium all of its own. 

Somehow I eventually pull myself out of it, usually by doing one or more of the following, in no particular order:
~going for a jog with my dog
~calling a friend to come over
~listening to music
~going to the beach with my dog
~reading poetry
~staring at my fish pond
~lying in the sun
~watching a movie
~having a hot bubble bath
~clocking in at the library and working a full shift 

If I feel soothed, or useful, usually I can begin to feel better. And meditation brings gratitude.

So, now I have completed two smaller works on wood, and I will place the undone painting, Grizzly in the Wheat, back on the easel. This one is going to take some backbone. More to come.

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